Allow us to state the obvious: Love is complicated. One minute, you’re floating on a cloud of happiness that can only be induced by Nutella hot chocolate and all-day “Teen Wolf” marathons, and the next, your heart is being crushed — and not in the I-just-beat-a-new-level-of-Candy-Crush kind of way. But the good news is that you’re not alone in this emotional roller coaster, who have some words of wisdom to share with you. From break-ups to relationship dos and don’ts, read below for our top 10 biggest love lessons learned from our team of bloggers.
1. Beware of social media.
Posting pictures and statues every now and then is okay, but constantly bombarding your followers and friends with your relationship isn’t going to make them happy, and can easily lead to an argument with your boyfriend/girlfriend or possibly a breakup. Keep social media out of your relationship.
2. Sometimes, breaking up is a good way to find yourself.
Yes, you do lose things when you break up with someone. But, sometimes, there are places and times and feelings that you need to let go of. You can lose that constant feeling of uncertainty and anxiety, always wondering if this relationship is ‘right.’ Or, maybe you’ll lose being constantly patronized. You could lose your self-doubt and lack of independence. You can lose going to the same diner every Friday night instead of trying something new and acting like you’re okay with this routine instead of admitting that you just want some kind of change. Or, you could lose having to put your interests and goals on the backburner.
3. Relax. There’s no need to rush into a relationship
Relationships are a delicate topic when it comes to any age group, but the high school years are often overlooked, deemed to be not particularly important. The minds of adolescents are not fully developed and therefore are not capable of knowing what is or isn’t beneficial in terms of romanticism at the time. Speaking out of experience, I am nowhere near certain of whether or not my high school relationship was detrimental or advantageous for myself.
4. The word “love” should not be thrown around
I declare a moratorium on the word ‘love.’ Use it when you meet someone and you’re mature enough to handle it. I know you all are probably saying, ‘C’mon, Matt, take a chance,’ but sorry, as far as I’m concerned, YOLO is dead and high school romance is nonexistent, unless you’re lucky. Save that word for someone special.
5. It’s totally OK if you don’t find “true love” in high school
I don’t think true love can be found in high school. You’re in high school! Why do you want to be tied down? Take these four years to have fun, find your type, enjoy the company, and learn how to deal with your current boyfriend or girlfriend, so when the right one comes along you’ll know exactly if they’re the one.
6. Everyone deserves to find true love… even celebe
It’s hard to be sure of anything when you’re a spectator to a celebrity romance. What’s important for One Direction fans[now that Zayn is engaged] is trust. Trust that Zayn knows what he’s doing. Believe in his choices and support him no matter what. If he’s getting married, be happy for him. If it doesn’t work out, don’t cheer and rejoice or degrade him for his age and quick decision-making. Everything happens for a reason, and acceptance and support is important. It’s what being a fan is all about, especially at times like these..
7. You should never have to change yourself for anybody
Aimee [played by Shailene Woodley in ‘The Spectacular Now’] compromised parts of her identity in order to support the boy she loved. Though I may understand it, I cannot say I would follow suit. There is something to be said about putting your success and safety first. We humans have been biologically programmed to be selfish and ensure our survival. Aimee, unfortunately, let her emotions hinder that evolutionary mechanism. Please, don’t ever get in the car with a drunk driver or invite your high school boyfriend to move with you to Philadelphia.
8. Love should be equal
I can’t believe that anyone would try to tell me that just because my parents both happen to be women, they love me and my sister any less or are any less capable of providing for us, than if one of them was a man. In no way did I ever feel that I was missing anything that my moms couldn’t provide. Our family situation is as stable (if not more so) than any heterosexual family. Because I never knew any other family dynamic, I never felt that I was missing anything. And I wasn’t. I have two parents who love me and that is all that matters. As a 2-year-old child, I began to notice that I had two mommies, while other kids had only one. ‘How did they get to be so unlucky?’ I wondered. It never occurred to me that society considered me to be the unfortunate one. In my innocence, I assumed that families like mine were the lucky ones. …As a high school junior, I know that I am who I am because of my moms, and I couldn’t be happier or healthier. I remember waking up the morning after Prop 8 passed wondering how this is possible and questioning why people didn’t know better. How is it that a 17-year-old can see what some adults cannot seem to? That love makes a family.
9. Turns out, music can teach us a lot about love
If Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes teaches us anything, it’s that we shouldn’t be afraid. (This is really drilled into us in their eponymous third album that came out last month.) Don’t fear, the world loves you, we love you, the flowers and the sand and the asteroids love you, and as long as you love yourself, ‘everything will be alright forever and forever and forever’ (The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac). Wear what you want, say what you want, do what you want, because the only thing that’s holding you back from living without inhibition is what you think everyone else will think of you. Thus the only thing holding you back is you, because in the end, you are you and that’s really all that’s certain.
10. Loving yourself is the most important kind of love
I realized that I could be sad when I wanted to be, because we are all sad at some points — the girl from my class, me, everyone. I’ve realized that sometimes you are tempted to think that everyone is perfect except for you, but in reality, no one is, no matter how much we want them to be. I was never going to be perfect — and I’m okay with that. I stopped pretending to be happy, and when I stopped pretending, I actually became happier. I realize that if I had quit all those times I wanted to, I never would have gotten to know myself the way I do now. It took me almost 17 years to love myself, but now I do.