Today i will give you how to active your DNA ancestry test.
Just follow the guide here:
Today i will give you how to active your DNA ancestry test.
Just follow the guide here:
Love songs make us feel warm and cozy inside. They can inspire us to action, rouse our emotions and give us beautiful things to think about. Being apart from someone we love can be hard, but sometimes the words to a beautifully written song can ease some of those lonely feelings. Here are 10 love songs for long distance relationships.
So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you,
yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here
I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face
I’m here without you, baby
But you’re still on my lonely mind
I think about you, baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you, baby
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me
There are hills and mountains between us
Always something to get over
If I had my way,
surely you would be closer
I need you closer
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn’t stop the pain
You take away the old
Show me the new
And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you
So while I’m on this phone
A hundred miles from home
I’ll take the words you gave me and send them back to you
So please don’t forget to call me
just to let me know you’re doing okay
miles away from me
Still endless days and nights
I wait for you
Cause deep inside this flame
I know it’s true
Hey there Delilah
Don’t you worry about the distance
I’m right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it’s my disguise
I’m by your side
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
‘Cause you know I’d walk A thousand miles
If I could just see you tonight
Being away from your partner for just a few days can be hard, but when it’s on a more permanent basis, it takes real work to keep your relationship on track. Despite what movies and magazines tell you, being physically apart doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship, though — it can make it stronger. Still, it’s a tough situation, but luckily, music is always there to alleviate the pain — and these ldr songs are perfect to listen to when you are in a long distance relationship.
Every relationship is different, but when you and your bae are apart, you will be able to relate to the plight of the lovers in these songs. Some of them should be broken out when you need a good cry, while others will remind you why your relationship will make it through — and a few will encourage you and your partner to keep… ahem, connecting. I have assembled top 10 ldr songs to get you through this emotional period.
1. “Set The Fire To The Third Bar,” Snow Patrol
This is the perfect song to listen to in the early days when you can’t quite get used to your partner not being there when you wake up in the morning. It’s haunting and full of yearning for proximity. Let yourself feel those feelings, because trying not to miss the person you love is just going to make it so much worse.
2. “Long Distance,” Bruno Mars
You know what, being long distance can really, really suck. Mars totally gets that, even though you know you will see your partner again, it doesn’t make the right now any easier.
3. “I Drove All Night,”Céline Dion
I am breaking out the Céline Dion to wrap this up because “I Drove All Night” is one of the hottest, most romantic long distance jams of all time. It’s basically a promise that when you meet again, it is going to be well worth the wait.
4. “Let Your Heart Hold Fast,” Fort Atlantic
Nothing lasts forever, and eventually you and your partner will find your way back to the same place. If you feel yourself giving up, listen to “Let Your Heart Hold Fast” before you throw in the towel. The distance is temporary — there are planes, cars, phones, computers, and so many other ways to stay in touch until you can be together again.
5. “Different Stars,” Trespassers William
Need to cry? It’s bound to happen, and when it does, this song will get those tears flowing. The loneliness is tangible and it speaks to the isolation you can feel when the person you love isn’t close enough to jump in the car and come see you.
6. “Maps,” Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Make sure you reassure your partner that you aren’t going to give up them, no matter how much distance lies between you. This song is achy, romantic, and hopeful about the future.
7. “Love Me Like You Do,” Ellie Goulding
Just because you and your bae aren’t together doesn’t mean you should forego date night. Play this song while you two are sexting, and let nature take its course, guys.
8. “FourFiveSeconds,” Rhianna & Kanye West
At some point, someone is going to get jealous. There will be a fight — and, even if you spaz like ‘Ye, it will be OK. This is the song for that situation, which will no doubt feel apocalyptic in the moment.
9. “Home,” Ella Eyre
Whether you are the one who is away or not, this song is a bittersweet reminder that the best way to open the lines of communication is to not be too proud to admit you miss home (or to make sure your partner knows they can tell you all the things they miss about being home). Talk about what you miss, it will only bring you both closer.
10. “Morton’s Fork,” Typhoon
The refrain in the song will remind you that you and your partner are in this together. They’re missing you just as much as you miss them — and you truly are “alone in this together.”
Hopefully, these ldr songs will help you through the transient period of your relationship. Just remember if you and your bae are meant to be, then a little distance will never break you apart.
Source : Top 10 Ldr Songs For You
The first date is where the fun really begins, but even for the most confident amongst us, meeting someone for the first time can be nerve-wracking. Our first date survival guide is designed to help to put you at ease before and during your date, so you can rest assured it will be enjoyable, and perhaps the first of many more to come.
In the hours before your first date, make sure you distract yourself and you’ll help to keep those pre-date jitters at bay.
If a workout at the gym is your fail-safe stress reliever or a glowing tan is your ultimate confidence booster, you’re not alone; according to our LoveGeist research, Londoners are twice as likely to hit the gym ahead of their first date while daters in the North West are 95% more likely to go for a sunbed or apply fake tan!
So, whether you chose to indulge in a hot bath and a book, a pre-date calorie burn at the gym or fake it with a spray tan, keeping yourself occupied will prevent you from overthinking possible dating scenarios, so that when it comes to the big date itself, you’ll be relaxed and ready to go have a good time.
Where possible, choose a public or familiar place to meet where you’ll feel comfortable and secure in your surroundings. And, for extra measure, make sure you tell at least one friend or family member who you are meeting, where you are going and what time you expect to return – just so they know.
Cafes make for great first date venues; a cup of coffee allows for a short encounter or a longer meeting, depending on how well you hit it off!
Ahead of your first date, preparation will play a big part in keeping your stomach from doing somersaults at the mere mention of your date’s name. If you’ve been talking online, it’s more than likely that you’ll know the basics about your date and like what you’ve seen.
Reading through past messages and picking out some things from their profile you’d like to know more about will help keep conversation flowing and allow you to be a happy confident date.
With a hot date on the cards, you won’t want to be dealing with a last minute wardrobe malfunctions. Before picking an outfit, you need to bear in mind what kind of date you’re going on, as well as external factors such as the weather, location and time of day.
While it’s essential to look the part, it’s equally as important to feel comfortable in what you’re wearing. The trick is to get the balance right. Choose an outfit that both looks and feels great and you’ll exude confidence throughout your date.
If you’re not sure if it’s a look that works for you then ditch it and save it for another night when you can get an honest opinion from your friends. Trialling a new trend on a date could mean you spend half the night checking yourself out, trying to see if you look good, which isn’t the best signal to be sending out. If you struggle a little bit with fashion then guys have a look at some fashion tips and ladys check out some outfiit inspiration.
Lateness in itself is not a deal-breaker, as long as you call or text to let your date know when you’ll be there.
One way to reduce the chance of a good date is to turn up flustered, grouchy and wracked with guilt. If you’re held up, apologise with dignity, deliver a winning smile and offer your date a drink.
The first date is all about enjoying the company of someone new and intriguing, so aim to avoid provoking political debates and stories about past relationships. Dating should be fun, so try to keep the conversation light and upbeat with stories and questions. If you still find yourself struggling then try having some pre-prepared ice breaker questions.
Try to have fun on the date. If the food is diabolical or the pub is awful, don’t complain. Don’t lie and say you love it either – remain neutral and polite. If you date has taken time to choose the venue, compliment something about it such as the convenient location.
Another way to keep your date upbeat is to start conversations by asking questions about values and feelings rather than just facts; “what do you love about your job?” is far more revealing and will warrant a longer answer from your date than simply asking “what do you do?”.
Don’t feel as though you need to cram every silence with a comment or question. You might learn a thing or two by simply relaxing and listening to your date. Responding appropriately will show that you too have an opinion and, perhaps more importantly at this stage, that you are interested in what they have to say.
If you’re keen for a second date with this person, tell them! However, if you’re shy, or would prefer to gage whether they’d like to see you again, perhaps you could hint by saying: “It’s been lovely meeting you, I really enjoyed it.”
If you’re 100% sure you don’t want a second date, it’s important that you still try to end the date on a warm and positive note, while being truthful, to avoid hurt feelings. Honesty truly is the best policy; being honest creates transparency where trust can flourish and is something you can take forward into your next relationship.
You might want to read : First Date Tips For You
When I think back to the first date I had with my husband, what surprises me is how ordinary it was. We simply met at his house, and talked from our hearts for an entire rainy afternoon.
If, that is, you could call that a date at all. Some might contest the term. However, some version of that conversation has been going on for 13 years now, and that first date ended up leading to the rest of my life. Who knew?
So what makes a great first date? Is it what you do that counts? Who you’re with? What you talk about? How you act?
I think it’s a combination of all those things. You might not be able to wine and dine the date of your dreams. But if you act from your heart and leave yourself open to adventure, a picnic with budget wine, crusty bread, and olives might enable you to make the kind of connection you simply can’t sitting in a fancy restaurant or a high-priced musical show.
That being said, however, I do think it’s important to try to come up with fun and creative ideas for your first date. Being limited by your budget often forces you to come up with ideas that are original and, even better, a lot of fun. And approaching your first date with a desire to make a real connection with the other person is, I think, just as important as what you decide to do.
So, let’s focus on the to-do side of the date. If you need some creative and, most importantly, cheap ideas for your next first date, then hopefully you can find some inspiration in these ideas.
1. Visit an Art Museum
If you’re into art, then you can save big if you buy a membership to your art museum. For instance, we pay $60 per year to be members of the Detroit Institute of Art. But we get in free, and get tickets to all the special events. This can pay for itself in no time. Even if you don’t buy a membership, art museum entry fees are usually cheap anyway.
2. Go See a Community Theater Play
Community theater is incredibly fun, and incredibly cheap. Follow this one up with dinner from a local diner and you’ve got a budget date in the making.
3. Do Art Together
Do you have clay? Crayons? Paint? If you have art supplies, why not hang out at your house or apartment and make some art together? Buy some cheap take out, put on some great music, and make a night of it.
4. Watch Cartoons Together
If you’re a child of the ’70s or ’80s, then you remember Looney Tunes. In fact, I have 6 DVDs full of those old Looney Tunes cartoons. They just don’t make them like that anymore.
If you love cartoons, why not hang out at your house, in your pajamas, and watch cartoons together? Don’t forget, plenty of those old Looney Tunes cartoons are up on YouTube.
5. Walk Dogs at the Humane Society
If it’s nice out, why not volunteer to take shelter dogs out for a walk? They never get personal walks like that, and doling out love to a needy dog is a wonderful activity to do with someone.
6. Go Inner Tubing
Live near a river? Is it summer? Go inner tubing!
7. Make Homemade Pizza
Instead of going out, why not make your own pizza at home? Yes, this includes making the dough as well. You might be surprised at how much better homemade pizza is!
8. Wii Olympics
Tag teaming on the Nintendo Wii is a fun and free way to spend time together. This works especially well for double dates.
9. Go Thrifting
Each of you has a budget of $5 or $10 to spend at a thrift store. The challenge? See who can find the most outrageous or hideous outfit. The crux? You have to change into the outfit and take pictures.
10. Go to Chuck-E-Cheese
My husband’s last birthday party was at Chuck E. Cheese’s. One word: skeeball. Chuck E. Cheese’s can be a super fun place to go on a first date, if the other person doesn’t mind the lights and noise.
Hope these First Date Ideas will help you.
For most of us, getting dressed for a date—especially if it’s a first date, or even a second or a third date—is pretty second nature. A clean shirt, a non-wrinkled dress, a nice pair of shoes all seem like obvious decisions, but do they really matter? As it turns out, what to wear on a first date actually matters a whole lot—more than any of us probably want to admit.
Meaning, will it really affect how your date views you if you’re dressed—or not dressed—a certain way? Are we over-thinking the whole thing? To get to the bottom of the dating-meets-fashion debate, we enlisted Chiara Atik, a dating expert and asked her this question: Does what you wear on a first date really matter?
Chiara’s answer? A resounding yes. Read through her insights below to find out more about why your clothes are important to the opposite sex—some of her reasons might surprise you.
StyleCaster: Here’s the question everyone wants to know: Does what you wear on a date really matter?
Chiara Atik: It does matter for sure. One of the things we did for the book is interview men and women across the country, and we asked men: what are the things you first notice about women? One thing they brought up often is clothing; depending on the guy of course, he’s not going to notice labels or trends or anything like that [but] dressing yourself is a little bit like personal branding. It does say a lot about who you are.
If he hasn’t talked to you yet, and is just looking at your photos on a dating profile, or from across the room, he uses clothing to determine if he might like you and if you might get along.
Does it go both ways? Or are just men eyeballing women’s fashion choices?
The “metrosexual” has died down a bit, but women do want men who have personal style. It doesn’t have to be a certain type of personal style, per se, but [women] do want someone who knows how to dress, who has somekind of aesthetic for himself that [shows off] what his personality is.
So for people who don’t follow fashion closely, will their date’s clothing have an effect?
Another thing that we’ve learned in studying this and talking about this is that one of the ways to instantly make yourself more attractive and more presentable to other people is your clothing. It’s not so much what label or what trend, but that they fit well, and what state your clothes are in. People look more confident and more put together in clothes that fit them.That seems self-explanatory and obvious, but there are some people who just don’t put any thought into what they wear on first dates.
Why do you think the fit and appearance of clothing is so impactful?
These are the changeable parts of your appearance—you can’t easily change your body shape,but your clothing choice is something you can definitely alter. Personal style is branding: what you wear does determine the type of person that you’re going to attract.
If you naturally have sort of a hipster-y Williamsburg style, and you wear Lily Pulitzer on a date, it’s not going to attract the kind of person you want. And this is a little obvious, but the other thing clothing really affects is how youpresent yourself and how you feel. It’s not about the actual piece of clothing, but about how confident you feel and how you carry yourself in something that you feel special in and proud of.
What are some of the most common mistakes you’ve seen people make when choosing their dating attire?
Something that often comes up is high heels for women. Women either totally love heels and may never be seen without them, or they hate them and never wear them. But sometimes they’ll try to alter that to fit a guy’s height. Sometimes they wear flats on the first date because they’re worried about being taller than their date; but it’s really just about how awesome you feel. It’s not like he’s going to grow if you keep dating him, so just wear your heels!If you do wear heels, though, make sure it’s not a super active date. Make sure you know what you’re doing ahead of time.
Any other words of wisdom when choosing an outfit?
It’s hard to dictate specific maxims, but try to stay away from anything overlyoffensive or political. [Guys,] don’t wear a T-shirt with a cheesy slogan on it, though there are certain girls who love that. It’s important to show up looking pressed and clean as though you’ve put thought into the outfit. Try to dress to match the occasion: more formal for an evening date, but if it’s a daytime date, keep it casual. Guys seem to universally love anything a woman would wear as long as she puts thought into it and wears it with purpose.
And what are some things ladies like?
CA: If you’re trying to date a more fashion-conscious woman—most women in metropolitan areas tend to be a little bit more fashion-conscious—shoes are big. Don’t go with New Balance sneakers and jeans. Guys will sometimes go to great lengths to wear a shirt, nice pressed pants, do their hair,and then completely forget that shoes are a part of the outfit. Also, I’ve never really been much of a fan of the short-sleeved button down.
What are some ways guys can quickly and easily pick up some style tips?
Start to look at other guys’ outfits; it doesn’t come that naturally to guys, but if you’re out and you see something you like, take a moment to notice what he’s wearing and how he put himself together. Have your sister take you shopping. It’s okay to wear sneakers, but make sure they’re not just normal athletic sneakers. Also, style doesn’t have to be effeminate, and it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable, especially nowadays.
Related : What To Wear On A First Date ?
So, you’ve met a cool guy who asked you out. Exciting? Totally. A little nerve-wracking? Absolutely. So, what’s a girl to do to lessen the nerves that inevitably come with first-date territory? We all could use some advice in this department. Below are some First Date Advice for you.
As cliché as it sounds, being yourself is probably the best way to ensure you not only have a good time on a first date, but also get a second date, too. That said, there are a few dos and don’ts to keep in mind when hanging out with someone totally new— remember, it’s all about making a solid first impression. Read on for 12 first date dos and don’ts that every girl should know!
1. DO speak up.
Nobody likes a pushover, so if your date tells you he’s planned an evening at a sushi restaurant and you don’t eat fish, or he wants to hang at a cocktail lounge but you don’t drink, speak up. It’ll only look strange if you tell him all that after you’re already seated and waiting to order. Same goes for being decisive. If he asks what you’d like to eat, drink, or share for dessert, don’t say “I don’t care, what do you want?” Wishy-washy can get real old, real fast.
2. DON’T wear things that you can’t walk, eat, breathe, or talk in.
Obviously, you want to look your best, but a first date isn’t the time to take those new 5-inch stilettos out for a road test, or wear that dress that’s a little too tight. Why? Because first dates are anxiety-filled enough and being uncomfortable in your clothes only makes it worse. Plus, won’t it suck to not be able to walk a few blocks on a nice night because your heels are too high? Instead, wear things you know look good on you but won’t hinder you from being cool, calm, and collected.
3. DO be on time.
Yeah, we know the whole fashionably late ideology still exists, but on a first date, you’ll make a better impression if you show up on time. Would you want him to show up late? Probably not. What’s that? It takes you two hours to do your hair? Sounds like you’re perfectly aware of that fact, which means you’ll know exactly how much time you need to prepare ahead of time, even if it’s five hours (hey, we don’t judge.)
4. DON’T not eat.
Most guys will freely tell you that there’s nothing more cliché (read: boring) than a girl who doesn’t eat on a date. If you think not ordering dinner will make you appear skinnier, prettier, more feminine, or more mysterious, guess what? It won’t. What it will do? Probably make your dude a little uncomfortable.
In fact, we asked a guy in our office what he thought of girls who don’t eat on dates and he said: “There’s nothing more refreshing than a girl who actually wants to eat on a date. We’re not saying she needs to house four cheeseburgers, but we want girls to be comfortable when they’re out with us, and nothing says they’re uncomfortable and uptight more than not eating!” Got that, ladies?
5. DON’T drink too much.
There’s not much to say here without sounding like a preachy parent, but keep this in mind: Having to be carried home by a guy you barely know isn’t chic (nor is slurring your words, doing something you regret, or crying at the dinner table.) Sure, a cocktail or two can be fun and loosen the mood, but knowing your limits will help make a better first impression.
6. DON’T be obsessed with your appearance.
Who wants to waste precious date time running to bathroom to brush your hair, reapply your lipstick, or check the mirror every five minutes? Put as much effort into your appearance as you want before you meet your date, but focus your energy on making solid conversation instead of worrying about how you look. Not to stereotype, but odds are he probably won’t notice that last swipe of lip gloss you just applied, anyway.
7. DO put your phone away.
This is the big one, ladies: The act of obsessively checking your phone every two minutes could be a bonafide deal breaker. There’s nothing ruder than trying to have a conversation with a person who’s constantly stating at their screens—wouldn’t you be put off if he were paying more attention to his iPhone than to you?
Checking Instagram can wait. No, it can’t? Then you’re probably not ready to have a relationship with an actual human just yet. Similarly, do not post any status updates, tweet about your date in real time, or snap any candid pics when he’s not looking. That’s just weird.
8. DON’T mention other guys.
Want to know a surefire way to not get asked out again? Maniacally mention your ex-boyfriend, your dating history, or the laundry list of guys lining up around the block to date you. If you get the urge, step up your game and act your age. Try this instead: Highlight some recent achievements that are about you. He’ll be way more impressed that way.
9. DO ask questions.
A foolproof way to ensure that conversation will always be flowing is to simply ask questions. Keep them semi-general: Ask about work, his family, his hobbies, pop culture, his favorite music. Four things to not ask him about? Politics, religion, his exes, and how much cash he pulls in.
10. DO be real … to a point.
We’d advise against spilling personal details that he really doesn’t need to know on the very first date (your parents’ messy divorce, your chronic stomachaches, your huge fight with your best friend), but don’t be afraid to let him see your personality. Obsessed with bad TV? Tell him about it! Obsessed with planning your wedding, or the fact that you’re only meeting losers on dating sites? Keep it to yourself. He doesn’t need to know every innermost thought and feeling yet.
We’ve been open for business for the past 2 months and already, the numbers are speaking to us. Astonishingly, most of our readership is interested in dating and/or advice about women/men and relationships. We hear ya … I mean old people? Is it OK to call our readers old? In any case, we decided to take things up a notch and give all you ladies a few tips on snaggin’ that committed relationship. Before we start, I just want to point out that if you’re just out there to have a good time, this advice isn’t for you. If you want to party like a rock star, then by all means, do it. The NSB staff condones anything and everything you can experience. However, if you ARE looking for a relationship that doesn’t end with you leaving some guy’s apartment in the morning as quietly as possible, then read on!
So you are out on your first date with a guy you’re interested in. Nervous? Don’t be. First dates are often that getting-to-know-you period that don’t require a lot of commitment. It’s like a job interview except even if you totally crash and burn, you won’t be missing out on rent money. That being said, the first date is a delicate game of chess that needs to be played properly.
I don’t know where the misconception arose about movies being a great date night activity. You’re literally not seeing or interacting with your potential significant other. Movies are best saved for later on down the road. You know, when words aren’t needed any more because you’ve already gotten to know whoever it is you’re watching that movie with. Or, if you need an excuse to make a late night visit to your already-significant-other’s empty home.
In a blind date situation, never commit to any activity that will take longer than 30 minutes. This is a safety net for you so you’re not stuck with some douche bag you don’t want to spend time with. If coffee goes well and you guys hit it off, it is easy to get a guy to commit to a dinner and/or drinks. All you have do is be cute and say something innovative and groundbreaking like, “I’m hungry”.
If you are in a meal-consumption situation, please consume the food like you are enjoying it. Unless of course the guy is an ass that took you to a horrible place to eat. Barring that, it is painful, and I’m speaking from experience here, when you’re there eating a delicious meal and your lady friend is taking rabbit-sized-bites out of a salad.
I think younger girls have a tendency to do this more often than older women, but it is horribly annoying when you are trying to have a conversation with someone that can’t take their eyes off their phone. This is also considered rude for all you kids that never learned proper manners while you were growing up. Be engaging and responsive.
After all if you are on a date, there’s only two people involved presumably. Don’t be the bitch that sits there acting like she’s bored. In addition, it isn’t always fun for guys if all they hear during your date are things your friends did. Chances are A) he doesn’t know your friends personally, and B) those stories aren’t half as funny as you think they are.
There are plenty of ways to say, “Hey, this isn’t working out.” No need to be cold or a total asshole about it. Trust me, it feels just as crappy for guys as it does for girls. If all else fails, stick him in the friend zone. It worked for all the other hearts you broke. Who knows? Maybe you can torture him with stories about how jilted you feel because of all the asshole guys you fall for.
Be straightforward and don’t put up a front. Why would you? This is the time to let your potential long-term-boyfriend know that you are human too and you have your quirks. Have bad habits? Let him know. Use the light, funny atmosphere to warm him up to the worst side of you. Unless you want to be the jackass that soaks your panties in his sink then asks me to get tampons at the market to assert your feminine dominance for no other reason than to brag to your girlfriends… I had some weird exes…
Guys only SAY that’s cute. It really isn’t. There’s nothing wrong with not being able to drink a lot. Just don’t push yourself until you pass out because that invites all sorts of trouble and… well it just isn’t appealing. Nothing wrong with having one or two drinks (or half depending on your tolerance). Remember, a date isn’t the same as hanging out with your friends. First impressions can never be made a second time, don’t waste the opportunity.
If you do want that long-term situation, the worst thing you can do is give in to a guy’s advances too fast. Yes, it is a normal part of a relationship, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t work for it. Unlike other myths, this one is true. Guys love the chase and nothing that’s worth the wait happens in the first few hours of meeting someone.
Chemistry isn’t built overnight and love never happens at first sight. That’s lust and infatuation. Part of building that chemistry is enjoying each other’s company. Nothing kills a first date like a girl that acts like she has something better to do. If you DO have something better to do, go do it.
Well that’s it. I won’t guarantee that every first date will be awesome, but if you do follow the road map above, they won’t be horrible. Unless of course the guy is utterly boring and ridiculously dumb. If that’s the case, just end it and walk away. Finding the “right guy” isn’t a one day job. Have the patience and the composure to keep searching. After all, if you are involved with someone that you don’t want to be with, that just removes you from the pool of potential girlfriends that perfect guy is looking for his other half in.
Sidebar: As a note for all the guys out there that are in that first date situation.reports that 80% of men spend on average $100 bucks on dating a month. Conversely, women spend less than $50. Don’t be cheap. Pick up the bill.
I get it. I’ve been there. Long distance relationships suck. There’s no way around it. In all of my years I’ve never met someone who has said, “Yeah, my boyfriend lives in Finland, it’s great!” On the contrary, everyone I’ve met in a long distance relationship can relate to the slow agonizing feeling that takes place over months or even years — that feeling that your heart is slowly being carved out by a butter knife and replaced with Skype calls and open chat windows.
All three of my significant relationships have involved long distance in some way. As a young man who was terrified of any sort of commitment whatsoever, I found that I could only allow myself to fall for a girl if she was at least 500 miles away. The first one, we both genuinely tried to make it work, but things fell apart spectacularly. The second one we both agreed that our lives were taking us to different parts of the world and we were probably better off letting it go. The third, we immediately made plans to end the distance as soon as possible and then did.
So I guess what I’m saying is, I’ve seen both sides of the long distance relationship coin. I’ve seen them implode and I’ve seen them fizzle out. I’ve seen them be worth the pain and loneliness and also reach the moment of needing to let go.
When it comes to surviving the distance, here’s what I’ve learned is most important:
What kills long distance relationships is the constant underlying uncertainty to everything. “Is this all worth it?” “Does she still feel the same way about me as she did before?” “Is he secretly meeting other girls without me knowing?” “Am I kidding myself with all of this? Maybe we’re horrible for each other and I don’t know it.”
The longer you two are apart, the more these uncertainties will fester and grow into legitimate existential crises.
That’s why when making any long distance relationship work it’s necessary to always have some date that you are both waiting for. Usually, this will be the next time you are both able to see each other. But it can be other major life moments as well — applying for jobs in the other person’s city, looking at apartments together, a vacation together, and so on.
The minute you stop having some milestone to look forward to together, you’ll be stuck in emotional limbo. One thing that is true about all relationships is that if they’re not growing, then they’re dying. And this is more important than ever in long distance relationships. You must be evolving towards something. You must both have a converging trajectory on some point on the horizon. Otherwise you will inevitably drift apart.
A funny thing happens to humans psychologically when we’re separated from one another. We’re not able to see each other as we truly are. When we’re apart from one another or have limited exposure to a person or event, we start to make all sorts of assumptions or judgments that are usually exaggerated or untrue.
This can manifest itself in various ways within a long distance relationship. In some cases, people get insanely jealous or irrationally possessive of their partner because they perceive every casual social outing without them as potentially threatening to their relationship. They become paranoid, asking who the fuck is Dan, tell me who the fuck this Dan guy is, and why is he writing on your Facebook wall — oh, he’s your stepbrother? I didn’t know you had a stepbrother. Why didn’t you tell me you had a stepbrother, are you hiding something from me? OK, maybe I wasn’t listening when you told me, but I still don’t want you hanging out with Dan, got it?
Other people become extremely critical and neurotic that every small thing that goes wrong is an end to the relationship. Like if the power goes out and their partner misses their nightly Skype call, they sit there thinking to themselves that this is it, the relationship’s over, he finally forgot about me.
Other people go the other direction and start idealizing their partner as being perfect in a bunch of ways that they’re actually not. After all, if your partner isn’t in front of you all day every day, it’s easy to forget all of the little obnoxious parts of their personality and just imagine how perfect they must be.
All of these irrational fantasies are unhelpful. And when stuck in a long distance scenario, it’s important to distrust many of your own judgments and inclinations to a certain degree. Remind yourself that you really don’t know what’s going on and the best thing you can do at any moment is simply ask your partner.
A lot of long distance couples create rules or expectations that they should have X number of calls or that they need to talk every night at a certain time. You can even find some articles online recommending this sort of behavior.
It may work for some people, but I’ve always found that communication should happen organically and unconditionally. You talk to each other when you want to, not because you have to. And if that means going 1-2 days without communicating, then so be it. People get busy, after all. And periodically having a few days to yourself is actually pretty healthy, I’d say.
It’s OK, sometimes when Mr. Overalls just wants to play Candy Crush. Let him.
When you force communication, two things can happen. The first is that when you inevitably hit days that you don’t have much to talk about (or don’t feel like talking), you’ll half ass it and fill your communication with a bunch of filler. Great, now you’re half-assing your relationship and spending time with your partner not because you want to but because you feel obligated. Welcome to every shitty marriage ever.
This half-assed communication often creates more problems than it solves. Like, if your partner seems more interested in his tax returns than catching up with you, chances are you should just hang up and try again in a couple days. There is such a thing as overexposure.
The second problem that can happen from forcing communication is that one or both people can begin to resent feeling obligated to the other person all of the time. This resentment then sparks stupid fights which almost always devolve into some form of, “I’m sacrificing more than you are!” “No, I’m sacrificing more than you are!”
These arguments never lead to anywhere useful.
The best way to go is to make all communication optional. Both of you can opt out at any time. The trick is to not take these opt outs personally when they happen. Understand that your partner is a fully individual human being outside of their relationship with you, and that to be happy they often need to attend to other things.
Doing this requires something called “trust.” It’s a novel concept. But you should try it out sometime.
A long distance relationship cannot survive without hope. And for there to be hope, there must be some possibility that you two will one day be together and achieve your Happily Ever After.
Without that shared vision of Happily Ever After, everything else will quickly begin to feel meaningless.
Remember, love is not enough. You both need to have life visions that are aligned, shared values and mutual interests. If she’s taking a 10-year contract working for the Singaporean government, and he makes a career dogsledding around the polar ice caps, well, then there’s not much hope for that relationship, no matter how much they may love each other.
Not only must there be some shared vision of a possible future for you together, but you both must also feel as though you’re working toward that vision. If he’s in Los Angeles and you’re in New York, nothing will kill the relationship faster than applying for jobs in London and Hong Kong.
While relatively high divorce rates and evolving family values appear to be marginalizing the concept of marriage, romance and chivalry remain prominent in contemporary society. A recent story on BBC News underlined this fact, by revealing that a couple have recently begun a relationship after their guide dogs ‘fell in love’ during a training camp in Stoke-on-Trent in the UK.
Research conducted by London-based events company Chillisauce also suggested that today’s generation of men have a keen understanding about the importance of romance, despite the influence of technology and the numerous obstacles that can stand in the way of love. This should offer hope for cynics out there, who remain skeptical about the idea of love and traditional romantic values.
One of the main obstacles that can alter the course of love is distance, as it can be extremely difficult for individuals to enjoy a relationship when they are separated by cities, oceans or continents. It is not impossible to maintain a long-distance relationship, however, so long as each party retains an open mind and keeps the following points in mind:
A successful relationship requires the investment of time and attention, whether a couple lives together in the same home, or are separated by geographical barriers. It is therefore crucial that you adopt a proactive approach and strive to keep the lines of communication at all times, initially by scheduling regular telephone calls and communicating through emails and live chat resources. Simply by making a concerted effort and interacting regularly with your partner, a long-distance relationship can thrive for as long as necessary.
On a similar note, technological advancement has created an innovative range of affordable, real-time communication methods. Resources such as Skype have subsequently made it easier and cheaper than ever to make international or long-distance calls, meaning that couples can remain in constant contact, regardless of their location. By embracing these developments, there is no reason why your relationship cannot remain strong over time.
While communicating regularly with your partner will fortify your long-distance relationship, you will also need to maintain a level head during periods where you are not in contact. Absence can create serious feelings of insecurity and paranoia, especially if your partner has relocated for work purposes and is socializing with new friends and colleagues. You therefore need to confront any trust issues as they arise, and resolve these through honest and direct communication with your partner.
When dealing with trust issues, you will also need to remain focused on your relationship and the reasons why you engaged romantically with your partner in the first instance. By remembering their unique qualities and the feelings of love that underpin your relationship, you can quickly put your mind at ease and negate any doubt that may exist in your mind. Ultimately, it is important to keep in mind that distance does not automatically alter feelings or an individual’s personal characteristics.
Depending on the precise circumstances of your relationship and the distance involved, the chances are that you will at least get to spend a minimal amount of time with your partner. This must be optimized if your union is to succeed, as it serves as a physical reminder of the nature of your love and the true depths of your feelings. So strive to plan activities in advance, and ensure that you make the most of every single moment together.
Adapting to any transition in your relationship can be difficult, especially if it involves relocation or a lack of time spent together. This can cause genuine feelings of sadness and depression, which in turn can cause you to neglect your personal appearance and develop a negative approach to life. It is important that you remain motivated and energized for the good of the relationship, however, and ensure that the sparks of physical and romantic attraction remain omni-present at all times.
Succeeding in a long-distance relationship demands a keen sense of assurance and security, as otherwise you will constantly question the union and the long-term intentions of your partner. Ultimately, you must have a clear understanding of your romantic and professional goals, while also taking the time to comprehend those of your partner. This ensures that your relationship will have the best possible chance of survival, while it also confirms that you and your partner share similar goals in life and in love.
Often, conducting a long-term relationship relies on your ability to think positively and make the best from a less than ideal situation. If you approach your relationship with an open and forward-thinking mind, for example, it is possible to recognize the benefits of spending time apart from a loved one and use this realization to strengthen the bonds of love and fondness. This takes time, however, so you must also be patient and allow yourself to adapt to your newly enforced circumstances.
While routine and scheduled visits are crucial to the longevity of long-distance relationships, there is always room for spontaneity and adventure in any union. This can help to keep your relationship fresh and exciting, while it also underlines your motivation not to take your partner for granted. So when possible, commit to making surprise and unannounced visits to your partner’s new location, and do not be afraid to send gifts such as flowers and chocolates. On a fundamental level, this should help both you and your partner to adapt to your new circumstances.
You partner may have been the epicenter of your social life, but this does not mean that you have to become a recluse who spends their time waiting by the telephone once they have relocated. In fact, it is important to remain active and commit to enjoying a rich and busy social life even after your partner has moved. This will aid the transition process enormously, while it also helps you to maintain perspective and remain positive about your situation.
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